Don't fu@k with big daddy

That's right -- you heard what I said.

Ordinarily, I wouldn't use such language. But it's no longer considered profane (thanks, Dubya!), and besides, as you'll see in a moment, this post is deserving of some testosterone-laden bravado.

I will do my best to relay this morning's activities as objectively as possible; the short version is, "I kick ass."

Deb and I were on the east coast of Zanzibar, a beautiful stretch of white-sand beach that's almost as nice as Kailua Beach in Hawaii. We'd been there for two days, and we were leaving that day, so I decided to go for a run along the beach at around 7:00 a.m.

The tide was on its way out, and I was keeping an eye out for shells for Deb. About 3/4 of a mile out, I saw one I thought would be nice, so I stopped to check it out.

About 10 yards behind me (the direction I'd just come from), a man waved and said hello. I turned off my iPod, and he came over and started chatting. (Again, you have to realize that people come up and talk to us all the time. Most of the time they're trying to sell us something, but we still try to be polite.) He asked my name, said his name was Ibrahim, and asked what I was listening to. I showed him my iPod, and he asked to see it. Again, this isn't odd -- people here are usually very interested in our gadgets (camera, watch, iPod, etc.). He started listening to it, bopping along to the music. He was maybe 25-30 years old, a little shorter than me (maybe 5'7"), and quite a bit stockier than me (maybe 160 pounds -- I'm about 135), and he was wearing a grey Quicksilver t-shirt.

He asked a couple times if I had a cell phone. I said no (mostly because, whenever I give out the number, people keep calling and calling). Plus I didn't have the phone with me.

He then looked down at the rings on my hand (right hand: $10 ring with design I got in Laos; left hand: GetDown ring, white gold, worth a little more...). He said, "Oh, silver, nice, where from? Can I see?" He bypassed the GetDown ring but started grabbing the other one (it's a little bigger), trying to pull it off.

I said, "Oh, no, it won't come off," and curled up my fingers and pulled my hand away.

(Inside voice: "Hmm. Something's not quite right here.")

He then asked how much an iPod costs, and I said, "Oh, mine's old and not very nice, so maybe $50."

(Inside voice: "Giveitbackgiveitbackgiveitbackgiveitback.")

He then asked if I would give him the iPod. I said no.

He then looked at me, looked at the iPod, then looked at me again. He disconnected the headphones, turn around, and ran off with my iPod.

(Inside voice: "Shit.")

Naturally, I ran after him. I threw down the headphones and my sunglasses (I was afraid they'd fall off or get broken in the melee that was surely to ensue). I called out, "Don't do this, man!" (Why the "man" at the end? Don't judge me.)

He then yelled, "I have a knife!"

(Inside voice: "Bullshit.")

He then started to run up a little escarpment, away from the water. (Here's a tip to all you would-be robbers: running uphill, through sand, is not the best way to make a quick getaway.)

I caught up to him and grabbed the back of his t-shirt. I then through my left arm around his neck and tackled him to the ground.

That's right. I chased down the robber and tackled him to the ground. Boo-yah.

He immediately handed over the iPod, so I didn't have to bruise my delicate hands. I was actually a little surprised, but hey, that's all I wanted, so I got up and left. I went back to get my things, and the guy just kept standing on the little escarpment. He started pointing and saying, "My phone"; not sure if he was trying to point me in the direction of my headphones (I actually walked past them at first), or if he'd dropped his phone while fleeing in terror.

I tried reporting this to the police, but two hotels -- including the one where we were staying -- claimed not to have the phone number for the police. But they assured me they'd report the incident for me.

(Inside voice: "Bullshit.")

***

We're off to the jungle for a few days to swing from vines, kill animals with our bare hands, and eat raw meat.